My Grandpa

I've been through probably the most difficult time in my life this past month.
I had to come to terms that one of my best friends was slowly drifting away and that I had to prepare myself to say goodbye. My grandpa passed away on Mother's Day. All of us in the family thought it was so perfect because of course he and Grandma were now going to be together again, but that it was Mother's Day and he would always give her pink roses on Mother's Day. So, we said that he needed to go and do that for her. Grandma needed Grandpa and he picked a good day to surprise her!
Now as much as that sounds like I'm ok with saying all that...I'm not. It's so painful for me to be talking about my grandpa being gone and being with my grandma again. The grieving process has been so strange and difficult for me. I've gone through so many emotions that I never knew I had in me.
He was just fine up until around Easter...then he just sort of started to get sick and the doctors didn't think he was going to get better.
I was able to say goodbye to him 3 times during all this. Twice on the phone, and when I first heard his voice on the phone after he had gotten so sick, it shocked me beyond belief, it didn't sound like him hardly anymore...yet his mind NEVER left. He was sharp as a tack right up til he took his last breath. He even joked with my dad on how the funeral would go. He planned it and told my dad and his brother how he wanted everything.
Mark, the girls and I went to visit him in the hospital as well. So, I was able to give him a big hug goodbye, too. There he was in his bed...not much of a hope of getting better...and he still was smiling that perfect, wonderful smile that he ALWAYS had on his face. When we left the hospital and were about to open the door to go out, the girls turned around and just said "BYE!" about a million times before we actually left the room. It was always the thing when we would take Grandpa home to his apartment. We would always say "BYE!" about 50 times before Grandpa could actually leave the car and walk up to his apartment door. Sydney was the loudest of all. She LOVED Grandpa so much! I'm so happy that Elizabeth and Sydney were able to form such a beautiful bond with him. Most kids don't get to experience their great-grandpa the way they have. They KNEW him so well and he KNEW them. They had the best relationship! I will be forever grateful and so happy that the girls have that.
Well, tears are in my eyes right now, so I better go ahead and end this.
Needless to say, the funeral was beautiful. Everything was so perfect! The weather was gorgeous and the day before it was dark and gloomy and so windy and rainy. Grandpa made the day so pretty and sunny and warm!
I loved my grandpa so much. Like my dad said at the funeral..."It would be literally impossible..." It would be literally IMPOSSIBLE for me to express how much love I have for him.